Living Alone

I am a freshman in college, and I have suffered and survived a full semester. As I head into my second semester I have realized the power of living alone. In a dorm.

Let me start off by saying, I was making myself physically sick worrying about having a roommate. I also did not vet for one as well as I should have. So, she’s never here, and I’m alone.

Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, or a good thing.

It’s just a thing.

I get by on phone calls and messaging with my friends from back home. I am currently on Tiner to just see if I can’t meet some people (seriously, haven’t made any friends that haven’t transferred).

My fridge has become super depressing with the number of leftovers in it that are meant for 2 and not one. So I have found ways to stretch pizza to last 3 meals or more. I have an aloe plant named Herman. I keep a mini trampoline under my bed. I knit.

There are ways to cope with living alone.

I just fear that if anything (God forbid) were to happen to me. No one would know if I didn’t come back for a few days.

The good always comes with the bad.



This is my new YouTube channel. It’s taken me months to work up the courage to post anything. The reason that I haven’t written anything here is because I have recently started working with Her Campus in the Appalachian State branch. It’s been incredibly exciting.

What I Have Learned In College

Update on my life: I started College. I moved into my dorm on the 18th and today is my first day of classes.

Note: I started out with good intentions, but it’s only gone down hill from there. I laid out my outfit, which was very cute in my opinion. I had all of my books in my bag. My laptop was charging. As was my phone. I had figured out my bus route to make it to class on time. I was set.

Here’s the moment it starts going to pot. I packed the wrong books, notebooks, and printed out pages. You see, my college starts classes on a Tuesday. Can you guess what this genius of a girl did? I packed all of my Monday class supplies. And I panicked.

Correction. I am still panicking. My dorm is too far away for me to go and get my stuff. But I don’t want to get in trouble on my first day.

This is my life. And this is what I have learned.

1. For Land’s Sake Make Some Friends

I have spent the last four days eating by myself, walking around campus by myself. It’s extremely lonely and extremely dangerous. Especially if you end up walking across campus in the middle of the night. I am speaking from experience.

2. Your Roommate Will Not Always Be Your Best Friend

     My roommate is never actually in our room. It’s not a bad setup, but please refer to point #1, where I am walking everywhere by myself. She actually has a boyfriend that has an apartment off campus. So, where most people have a built in buddy for the first week, I am fending for myself.

3. Triple Check Your Everything The Night Before

Or you’ll end up like me. Check your schedule. Check your bag. Check your books. Check your outfit. Check the bus if you take it. Just check everything.

4. Buy This

You will thank me when the cafeteria food kills your stomach and you become good friends with the porcelain throne. I love the fruity kind because you can say you were using perfume if anyone asks. But also tell them. Every college kid should have this.

5. Get A Super Fluffy Mattress Cover

Get one that will make you not want to get out of bed in the morning. Get a mattress cover that comes with a pillow if you can find it.

6. Walking Shoes

I get it. Everyone wants to look nice and put together for college because we are apparently adults or something. Screw that. I walk 10+ miles a day, doing mostly stairs. Get. Good. Shoes. Not shoes that will look cute. Get shoes that you would be prepared to walk the entirety of Magic Kingdom in.

Please take what I have learned in two days and put it towards what you do in your life as a college student.

Descendants 2 Review

I am a bit late to the game on this, but Descendants 2 premiered on Disney Channel on July 31. I did not get a chance to watch it live, but I have watched it online more recently. And I have to say, it’s honestly amazing. Though the ending is a bit dissatisfying.

I must warn you that if you haven’t seen this movie yet there will be spoilers after this point. Though please follow this link to watch it: .

The movie opens with a dream like session set to music. Explaining how the Villian Kids take over Auradon prep. The scene has some intense choreography, even having a handicapped girl involved. It then turns to a very pushy interview, focusing on Mal.

Mal appears to be settling into her role in the royal court as best as she can. But even to me, it looks overwhelming. Mal doesn’t look happy until Ben steps in and takes over, and that’s not the Mal that was shown during the original movie.

Evie, though, Evie seems perfectly happy. She has started a breakout fashion business where girls are literally fighting to get a fitting with her. Doug is happy to let her run her life and make her own decisions. And Evie is just exuding confidence, and I am extremely happy for her.

In another scene, it shows Mal using her spellbook to remember information about the royal court and all that that position entails. The movie then has Evie speaking of how all the other villain kids turned in their parent’s relics to the museum, and she recommends that Mal does the same. I don’t like how they did that. Those relics were the only thing that those kids had received from their parents, probably ever. And I don’t think it’s right that it was expected of them to hand those important items over. I know I wouldn’t want to hand over my grandfather’s antique pocket watch, and that is the only thing he has ever given me.

Jay and Carlos both seem to be settling into Auradon life just as well as Evie. What with Jay being so popular with the ladies. And Carlos wanting to ask Jane out. They both seem happy, which is more than I can say for Mal. At this point in the movie, it shows Jane rapidly trying to discuss the decorations for the Cotillion. Mal turns green, not literally, it’s just that her eyes start glowing. Which makes me think that she’s got a few anger issues with everything that is going on.

And this is the moment that the hero of the hour has arrived, Ben. Who just so happens to interrupt Mal finding out about how she is practically engaged to Ben. I don’t like how this scene played out, though it has some cute elements. What with the “Hi Ben,” from Jane, Evie, and Lonie, the attempt at a cool down that Mal does. It’s a cute scene, but I don’t like how Mal was informed about the borderline engagement. But I love Ben’s stained glass surprise for Mal.

Chad is the next piece of the cast that we see for an encore in this sequel. It shows him getting fitted for a cape that is over halfway finished. Evie saves the project by telling him how kingly Chad is. I do not believe that he is kingly, just annoying. And Chad is annoyed at Jay because he was named the captain of another sports team. I cannot fault the decision of naming Jay, the captain. The boy grew up fighting, running, and stealing, he probably knows how to do a few sports from his time on the Isle. We are also informed of how Chad both dated and dumped by Audrey, who appears to be playing around to find a new Ben.

We also see one of my favorite moments from the movie. Evie finding out that she will be able to afford the castle of her dreams, without a prince. But she chooses to love Doug, and that is amazingly powerful for young girls to hear. Girls are able to hear about Evie making a life for herself without a man needing to do everything for her.

Can I just say that I really need a Ben in my life? I am all about independence for women, but I am also all about a purple scooter as a gift.

And apparently ogres like cheese puffs. Someone should have told Harry Potter.

Alrighty. So, there’s is also a sport that is some kind of a cross between fencing and parkour. Which looks totally awesome, but doesn’t allow women to play. Which sucks. I am also wondering how Jay didn’t realize that it was a girl coming at him with a sword. Look down, dude. The same situation was in Mulan when Shang had Mulan and could have just looked down. You can also see her sports bra in the arm holes of the uniform. At this point, I’m just getting annoyed. Also, Lonie’s hair is just as long as Jay’s, which says something about Jay. And Mulan brings up her kick butt mom. And Carlos still can’t manage to ask out Jane. In his defense, he was friend zoned.

Googling how to get out of the friend zone.

Panicked Mal pacing with the green eyed freak out. I give the director points for showing what it’s like to be famous. It can’t be easy.

Chad also knows how to break into Jay and Carlos’s room. God, I hate him.

Carlos also gets Mal to make him a truth gummy which makes Dude talk. A rather hilarious moment to be honest.

Oh. Here’s the good part. We get to meet Uma and her crew. I gotta say, Harry Hook is rather handsome, what with the accent, the eyes, the crazy appearance. Gil, on the other hand, is an idiot. And then we get the song “What’s My Name”. Which also has amazing choreography and bridge. And I have to give props to the costume designer. The braids on Uma are gorgeous. Also, there is a CGI Ursala moment.

Then we see Mal and Ben’s argument. I just don’t understand why it’s so bad that Mal uses magic. She was put under enormous ammounts of pressure from all sides. And she feels the need to run away. Which is also a bit dramatic, but still.

I have a question, how do those new posters make it onto the Isle? Does someone go there once a month a just put them up? Are they magically put there?

And Ben has a secretary named Debra. Seriously? But at least Ben understands that he was a jerk. I don’t like the fact that Evie goes back to the Isle, she hated it, but she goes back for Mal.

And Dizzy is amazing. She is the new Villian kid that is the daughter of Drizela. Dizzy is an aspiring hair artist that is being given “the old Cinderella treatment” by her grandmother, Lady Tremaine. And she gets Mal back to her famous purple locks.

One thing that annoys me is that Mal stands by while Dizzy is robbed by Harry Hook.

And I love how much Evie is a fashion perfectionist. I also find it hilarious how the gang thinks that a few drop clothes are going to hide a limo. And then Evie is robbed by kids that can’t be older than six. And Ben wanders off by himself. The gang now gets to explain how to start “Chillin Like A Villian”. Evie’s boots are legit awesome and I now want a pair. I also love Mal’s apartment. But where was it in the last film? And how is no one else living there now, since she moved to Auradon?  But she obviously shared with Evie at some point.

I’m just now realizing that I am not even half way through this movie and I am way over my expected (or usual) word count.

But Ben just said he loved her, and she stayed silent. And now my heart is just slightly broken.

So I am going to stop. For now, but I’ll finish eventually. I am currently at 46 minutes and 20 seconds.


Do you ever see how power can be intoxicating?

How people can become drunk with power?

People abuse power as well.

In how they make decisions, it can be obvious how people in power work.

Snape abused power.

Voldemort wanted power.

Umbridge was the worst character to have power.

But they all had power over people’s lives.

Parents are the first people that have power in our lives. What with how they made us (or chose us, in adopted kids cases). Parents teach us the right and wrongs in life. Or they are supposed to.

Sometimes the teaching is left to the paid professionals. The actual, underpaid teachers are our next authority figures.

Then you have people in government. People who we work for.

But we have power ourselves. We have the power to chose to go left or right. The power in our lives is in the choices we make.

That’s how we maintain power in our lives.

And we have to keep that power.

Last Man Standing

Can you tell what I’ve been binge watching on Netflix?

Last Man Standing.

I grew up watching Tim Allen on his show about being a carpenter. So, seeing him on a family oriented show was a good kind of a throwback for me.

Now, the show is conservative, Christian-based, and has a ton of political opinions.

The show started during Obama’s stay in the White House, and it’s obvious in the opinions of the character’s.

With the military, gun control, women’s rights, and immigration being brought to the forefront of the show’s scripts. With the light-hearted humor having a serious underbelly.

Throughout the seasons the Baxter’s (the main family in the show) meet multiple groups of people that can bring these issues more into the limelight.

This show has been canceled recently because of its politics. Though I do not agree with the reasoning for its cancellation, there is nothing I can do about it. But I can let people know about it. I would recommend it, even if you don’t believe in the politics. It’s a good show for just some easy laughs.

One Amazing Thing

For my freshman seminar, I was assigned a book to read, annotate, and study for discussion. That book is One Amazing Thing by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni.

And it’s not a terrible read, actually. Although the ending was not to my taste.

After this point, there are a few potential spoilers.

The story takes place in an Indian Visa office. And there’s an earthquake. Always has to be something, doesn’t it?

The narration switches from character to character throughout the tale, which gets a bit confusing in some chapters when it does it multiple times without warning.

Nine strangers are stuck in the basement of a destroyed building and it is recommended that they tell each other meaningful stories about their lives and what they were doing in the visa office. This part is loosely based off of The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer, which is being read by one of the characters before the earthquake.

The book shows how family, friends, love, and life are driving forces for each person to be willing to travel to a foreign country. And that we should love and appreciate our lives.

Overplayed in books, but still true.

Overall, not a terrible book. It only took me a few days to read, but it’s not that long. If you took your time, I couldn’t see spending more than a week or two on it. It has been on my to-read list for awhile, so that was great to get one more checked off of my list.

A Guy…

There’s a guy.

Hah. Isn’t that the start of literally every young adult novel?

So, a guy.

He’d never like me. And he is way to young for me. Too smart for me. Has been on more dates than I could ever dream up going on. He dates thin girls, that are always happy.

I am not thin. I am not happy. I don’t fit in.

And yet the gods of the universe decide to make me like him right before I move to college.

I never said the universe was kind.

And he just sent me a picture of him holding a baby. And the universe is laughing at me.

Appreciate my pain.

And happy 4th of July and stuff.

Blame Yourself


You blame yourself

for how I am

For my tears

For my fears

You blame yourself

Notice something?

It says “my”

Not “you”

It has nothing to do with you

My fear of life

My fear of living

My sadness on Earth

My ocean of tears

Crashing against the shores of my fears

My hatred of myself

Has nothing

to do

With you

But yet

you blame yourself

For something

you cannot control

You cannot control


My fears

My tears

My sobs

My broken hearts

My pulling at my skin

trying to break the chains

that hold me to this cruel world

You blame yourself

What Did I Do?

What did I do?

I won.

I listened.

I obeyed.

I did not fight you.

What did I do?

To make it worth hating you.


I won.

I listened.

I obeyed.

I am destroyed by your words that cut me like blades

I am killed every day seeing you here

In my home

Where I should feel safe.

But instead

I am terrified to go downstairs.

What did I do?






Answer me

You scream at me

You hate me

I am a bitch

I am fat

I am worthless

Is this what I did?

I exist

That is the problem

You hate me

I hate you


What did I do?